My Light In The Dark

As many people know, (or may not know), I'm a musician. It's one of my main passions in life and I take it VERY very seriously. So much so, it's my light in the dark. (I'll explain what this means later on).

But people often ask me how I write songs. Why I write songs and when I write songs. So, in this blog post I hope to address these questions in the most honest way I can.

How I write a song depends entirely on what kind of song I want to write. I wrote my first proper song when I was about 12/13 and it was called "Love Is (The Hardest Word To Say)" and it is, quite frankly, the worst song I've ever written. I wrote it completely by accident outside Gillingham Town Library one afternoon after I was waiting outside for a friend. He asked me to look after his guitar and, I thought, I'd play it. Even though I hadn't really tried guitar before. I came up with a simple chord progression with 3 chords (E, A and B I seem to remember) and I rather enjoyed it so I took up guitar and carried on.

I should probably point out I don't play Love Is anymore...thank goodness...

Up until this point, I've tended to follow one genre or a variation of it and that's rock music. Obviously when I was in Black Heart and Against The Tide [the bands I was in for 3 years. They're the same band effectively] that was our main genre so it was easy to stick to. Before forming Black Heart though I was in a kind of band called 'The Illusion' with two other friends. This is where I wrote my first multi-instrument song called "Don't Leave Me". It was a cheery ditty in a major key and was, if I do say so myself, an ok track. Sadly, we never got round to recording it and, after not playing for many years, have forgotten it. But I remember jamming it and it sounding rather ok. This is where my passion for song-writing really took off.

It was shortly after The Illusion disbanded that I wrote my first proper heavy rock song. It was called Black Thunder. I came up with the riff after hearing a song by one of my favourite bands, Black Stone Cherry. The riff sounded very similar but I was happy with it there and then. A few weeks after writing the riff, I took it to my oldest friend Joe [who ATT fans will know as the one with the Slash hair] who was in a band at the time called 'Amid The Chaos'. As it was their sort of song I asked Joe to work on it with me. We eventually wrote the music together and he wrote the majority of the lyrics. The original plan was that Joe's band would use it and credit me when their EP was recorded. Unfortunately, ATC never wrote or recorded an EP and the band disbanded shortly after. Around that time though, I was forming Black Heart with my friend Tom and we decided that WE would use Black Thunder instead. (With Joe's permission of course). We adopted it, changed it about a bit and it became a whole song. And it became our most well known song oddly.

Fun fact for any ATT fans reading this, the lyrics on the recorded versions of Black Thunder are not the original lyrics. The original lyrics were about a hitman called Black Thunder who was killed during a hit by other hitmen. But Tom and I decided to re-write the lyrics before a gig at our school (originally temporarily) after the Cumbria Shootings that year much to Joe's annoyance. We later kept the re-written lyrics and they're the lyrics you know today.

But it was when I was in the band that song-writing became much more specialized. We were a heavy rock group and that was the criteria. So I tried to write songs to that criteria. Initially it was difficult because most of the songs I wrote sounded the same but I was still the main person writing songs for the band. This upset me a bit as it felt like I was putting in all the work. So imagine my surprise when Tom text me one day saying he'd written the music to a song and needed lyrics!

When Joe joined the band on Valentines Day 2011, the whole thing became an awful lot easier still as we had someone else with a decent song-writing capability. That was when the songs I was writing started to become much more coherent and stronger because we had 4 active musicians contributing. And we were good! We developed our songs, jiggled them about a bit, wrote some new stuff and became much stronger as a group. I still remember our first gig as ATT in March 2011. The compere said our name and the whole room went crazy. I remember turning to Joe and saying "Dude, it's like we're at fucking Wembley!"

2011 was a great year both creatively and generally. And that made its way into the songs we wrote. Our songs started to turn more into teenage dramas than something like a protest song. Even though 3 out of the 4 of us hated "emo" music, I guess we were writing about "emo" is topics. In early 2011 I'd written a song about my ex-girlfriend (who I hated at the time), Joe had written a song about a girl he was really into but felt he'd never get and Tom was trying to write a song about his girlfriend. We started to become soppy. But we also had that teenage angst which made us kind of, for lack of a better word, approachable? But it was also around this time that I developed a new song-writing style.

People always talk about influences in music. Who they look up to when they write songs and stuff like that. The truth is, I don't have just one. The technique I developed at that time, which is stuck to the present, is that I listen to a certain song, or group of songs, and think "yeah, I can imitate that". So I try it. In that, I'll experiment with it and work out my own stuff. And it works! So if anyone ever asks me who my influences are, I normally reply with "anyone".

That said, this is how I write music for songs. Lyrical influences are an entirely different issue. Because lyrics can be about literally anything. If you look back at some of the most popular songs in history the lyrics are, often, quite ridiculous. Yet they're well-known. But personally, lyrics come like an idea in the bath. They come at any time. Going back to 2011 and Against The Tide, the songs I wrote in that year were some of the most personal ones I've ever written. Some of them I never performed to anyone else. Obviously, I've mentioned the song I've written about my ex-girlfriend which later became our popular live song "Within Me" was the first of these deeply personal songs.

But other songs were written, as I say, that were never performed live. For example, I'd written one called "No Place Left To Run" which was originally about my experience with bullying, another called "Hypothermia" which was about my feelings towards my absent father and one more called "Smile" which was written on a bad day. (Hence why I never showed it to anyone else. Too explicit). So early 2011 was a time of great angst. Which made great topics for songs but at the same time it was all-consuming. What happens towards the middle of 2011 is interesting, because the lyrics I'm writing take a whole different turn.

In April 2011, at an ATT gig in Shaftesbury, I met a young woman who shall remain nameless for reasons. But let's just say I fell for her quicker than bricks being thrown off a skyscraper. Up to that point I hadn't felt like that about anyone else and it was whole new territory. I really liked this girl and I expressed it in the only way I knew how. The problem was I had no reason to write the song as of yet! I really liked this girl but I wasn't sure what to write about. Then in July, the inspiration came. The unnamed girl (let's call her Alice for arguments sake) had been constantly emailing for ages and eventually I clocked up the courage to invite her to my 17th birthday do. Which was a picnic. Alice came with some mutual friends and, we barely spoke. Which seemed to happen quite a bit when we were actually physically around each other.

Shortly after the 17th birthday, a friend who was helping me out told me that Alice had said I'd been giving her mixed signals, even though I thought she'd been doing the same. And that's where the inspiration came. A week later, I finished writing "Signals" written about Alice. And, in my opinion, one of the most heart-felt songs I've ever written. We later used it in Against The Tide but it wasn't popular amongst the rest of the band. Later, Alice and I went on a date and, for the most part, it went really well. Then things fell apart thanks to me but let's not go into that. One of the last times I ever saw Alice was at the last ATT concert in 2011 and I put the song in the set list, knowing she'd be there. She worked out it was about her and loved it. She was flattered that a song had been written about her and was looking forward to hearing it again. But she never did. Now when I play the song it holds a different meaning.

2012, for the band wasn't great. We got to the point in our lives where we started to listen to different types of music. Which is good as it broadens the mind but it was bad in a band context as we were all trying to put our new found influences in each song. Band arguments also reached a new high because of this and ultimately led us to agree in March of that year that we would break up in September. We hoped that after a few months away from the band we would come back with a brand new set and image but it wasn't to be. All of us had different priorities which infected the mood the band brought. When our last practice finished before our final September gig that year I remember saying to my mum "I'm really not going to miss these practices..."

In terms of song-writing, I went about trying to write more complex stuff to meet the demand of the other members. At the time, Joe started listening to bands like TesseracT, Chimp Spanner and Meshuggah, Tom started listening to Sikth, Textures, Aliases and other tech-metal bands, Matty was listening to more jazz and I was listening to more prog-metal as well as more electronic stuff like Linkin Park and Muse. You can see where the problem lied. So I wrote the longest song I've written yet. "The Last Charade". An 8 and a half minute odyssey set against the back-drop of the Arab Spring with an Iron Maiden style harmonised ending. I finished an EPs worth of demos, 2 of which were used. But neither of the songs were completely the same as the demo. The Last Charade was the centre of one of the band's biggest arguments and it was then that the love for the project had dried up in us. The last ever gig we played in September 2012 ended with some sadness, but even then arguments ensued.

With ATT out of the way, I attempted to start up my own music project ReAnimation Arcade. I attempted to kick start it when I moved to Wales in September 2012 but my endeavors never came to fruition. And, among other personal troubles, was put on the back-burner. The planned EP, titled 'Nuclear Children' faded out of existence and music took a side stage for a time. There was a small attempt to kick-start it when I got home but I was unable to put time aside for any recording as I couldn't afford studio costs and the guy who ran it was also a student and was away 5 days a week. So I really wasn't happy.

2013 comes into existence and, on the whole, the year hasn't been overly great. I was bored at home in a job I hated and I wasn't happy generally. I'd left uni as I wasn't happy but I still felt guilty for leaving. Any song-writing I did accomplish was terrible and not worth any more work on it. As the year went on, everything started piling up until, eventually, it all came crashing down in June and I entered what was effectively a month-long low. I tend to call it depression in person because I'm not sure what the word is for it if there is one. June wasn't a great month and any and all music seemed repellent. I had a personality change, to the point I scared me own mum, and I did some rather silly things. But for some reason or another, I got roped into performing at an acoustic night run by a friend towards the end of that month. A week before the gig, I put a set list together and practiced it to death. Even though they were songs I knew, and knew well, I still wasn't feeling it.

3 days before the gig, I had a dream. The dream involved me as an adult with a little girl beside me. A girl I can only presume was my daughter. I tucked her into bed, read her a goodnight story and kissed her forehead before leaving the room. As I was leaving the room, she shouted to me "Daddy...please play my song...please?!" So I did. I picked up an acoustic and played her a song to help her sleep. She was asleep by the time the song finished. The dream ended by me saying "I love you, Molly". I woke up the next morning with the dream still fresh in my head. I didn't tell anyone about the dream but it kept nagging at me all day and that night, I set about trying to remember the song. Because it sounded great in the dream. To my surprise, I remembered the music but I couldn't remember the lyrics. So I set about writing new lyrics to supplement the music as I became hell-bent on playing this song at the gig two days later. I finished the lyrics within half an hour and the whole thing was done. I don't remember hearing the title in the dream, so purely for ease and logic, I named it "Molly's Lullaby". I played it to mum that night and it moved her to tears. She said it was beautiful and that I should play it at the gig.

Suddenly, the spark was there and the whole set-list now revolved around this new song. True to my ideas that day, I performed the gig and played ML last. The gig itself went really well considering I wasn't confident playing on my own at the time. But the highlight of my set had to be Molly's Lullaby. I played it last as I planned and, to my surprise, I made 3 grown men cry. One of which must have been in his 70s. (Maybe the fact I explained the story briefly before playing it helped?) Overall, thanks to that (and a pretty good cover of The Smiths' classic "Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want") the gig was the best solo gig I've played to date. [As a side note, because of the song and the meaning behind it, I'm now convinced my first daughter will be called Molly].

Anyway, since then I've played numerous solo gigs, (playing ML along the way), played one more gig with ATT (which was a shock to everyone involved) and I've been trying to find a new direction. namely fusing rock with electronic music. And I know I've gone on a bit about the back-story of ATT and certain songs but I have answered the 3 questions I posed at the start.

How do I write a song?
I listen to other songs and try to better them.

Why do I write a song?
As an outlet for my feelings whatever they may be at the time

Why do I write a song?
Because writing music is the one thing I can count on to help get me out of my darkest place. It may take a while but I will get there. As far as I'm concerned, Molly's Lullaby saved me and got me back on track after a long time of feeling very lost. Writing music is my ultimate de-stresser. My light in the dark.

Thank you for reading this. I know many other musicians and I'm sure they have their own variations of this story and what writing music means to them so thank you so much for reading mine. It means a lot. As does writing music for all you wonderful people who have supported my musical endeavors along the way. Thank you. And I look forward to showing you all my new ReAnimation Arcade EP "The Point Of Being" sometime early next year!

If you'd to know a short summary of what certain songs I've written (or have been involved in writing) are about then read on a little more.

Black Heart (2010)

Black Thunder: An Assassination [Original], The Apocalypse [Revised].
Too Young: The Teenage Stereotype.
Dear God: Self-Harm and a Parent's Reaction.
Rainbows: John Lennon

Against The Tide (2011-2012/2013)

Burned By The Ashes: The Apocalypse. [Music written mainly by Tom]
Within Me: My Feelings Towards My Ex-Girlfriend At The Time.
I Won't Die For You: Lusting After Someone You Think You'll Never Get. [Music mainly written by Joe].
Signals: My Feelings For Someone At The Time.
The Last Charade: The Arab Spring.
Yeah, Girl: Sex.

ReAnimation Arcade (2012-Present)

Morning: My Friends' Grandparents Passing.
Don't Ever Wait For Me: A Soldier Writing Home.
Molly's Lullaby: A Little Girl Called Molly In A Dream I Had About My Future Daughter.

Miscellaneous (2010-Present)

Love Is (The Hardest Word To Say): Falling In Love.
Don't Leave Me: A Relationship.
No Place Left To Run: Bullying.
Hypothermia: My Feelings Towards My Absent Father.
She's Too Good For You: A Feeble Attempt At Rap.
Field Of Starlight: A Song I Wrote For A Friend's Christmas Present.
In My Mind: Freddie Mercury.
Alive: The First World War/Russian Revolution.
Holiday In Tripoli: Libyan Uprising.
If There's Anybody Out There: Barack Obama's Presidency.
Cariad: A Friend Of Mine.
The Rope: Suicide.
Blood Red Woman: Another Ex-Girlfriend.
No Stranger To Controversy: The Phone-Hacking Scandal.
Evening Sunlight: Parties. [Originally written for another band in Cardiff].
We Stand As Brothers: Soldiers In Iraq,
Somewhere Beyond The Angels: Pre-Cursor to Morning.
Blind: Government Control. [Originally an idea for Psalms].
*Pure: A Young Woman Running Away From Home.
*Parasite (Dedicated To...): Someone Who Annoyed Me.
*Her Smile: Falling/Being In Love.
*Apocalypse Experiment: Mind Control.

*Songs will be released by ReAnimation Arcade in 2014.



Copyright Joshua Frampton 2013.