Being at university, you come across many different things, schools of thought, opinions and, above all else, situations. University is such a big melting pot of culture, interests and personalities and I seriously love being here. But, sometimes, you can start thinking about things that someone says that's totally unrelated to your degree.
This happened to me today as the topic of adoption came up as a passing comment in my lecture today. My lecturer (who shall remain nameless) admitted they were looking to adopt and left it at that. (We were talking about Children's Rights so I guess it is kind of connected in a small way...)
Anyway, as an opinion, the lecturer asked by a show of hands who would adopt given the chance and, from what I can recall, I was the only one who put their hand up. But I didn't realise I was doing it. Thankfully, I wasn't asked why I would. But as I played the piano to relax this afternoon after a heavy lecture, I started to think about reasons why I would adopt and why I perhaps wouldn't.
Obviously, this question is very simple anyway because it's a hypothetical situation. But to continue with this post, imagine you (and I) had the means to adopt and take it from there.
To begin my reasons why I would and would not adopt: let's make one thing clear. I am 20 years old and I'm in my second year of uni. I don't have the time to adopt or even think seriously about having kids right now. I do, however, have a lot of time to think about things like this.
So here goes.
The other day, I was informed that my awesome cousin and his lovely wife were expecting their first child this year. Knowing who they are and their personalities, that kid is going to have awesome parents and I can't wait to see how they do.
But I started using this as a basis for my own thoughts on the issue. I've said multiple times on blogs and generally that I've always wanted to be a dad. I've even written two blogs on names I'd choose for my first child among others. And while it would be nice to have a child who I did partially create and is biologically half of me, having one that isn't would also be as rewarding. Because there are so many children in this country alone that are abandoned or unwanted by their biological parents.
And, while I'm happy for my cousins and this next comment is not a dig at them at all, but what's the point in bringing a new child into the world when there are thousands more in this country alone that one could give a home to?
In England alone, "68,840 children were in the care of local authorities on 31st March 2014, compared to 68,060 in 2013" (British Association of Adoption and Fostering, 2014). And while this does mean fostering as well as being taken into care generally, it's still a number that's rising. (As an extra point, most of these are boys). So there are plenty of children out there who could use a stable home as well needing some kind of solid home basis. And these children range from babies to teenagers.
Adoption rates in the UK actually rose in the 3 years between 2010 and 2013 by 42%, which means that adoption is still a very viable option in today's day and age. (Obviously, being facilitated by a number of different traumatic circumstances such as underage, rape and other unfortunate outcomes). "There were 3,580 looked after children placed for adoption at 31 March 2014 representing 5% of all looked after children." (Gov.uk, 2014)
Obviously, as this is not an academic piece, I'm merely scratching the surface of why adoption might be a plus and why I would personally consider it.
I've been taught all throughout my secondary school years that adoption can happen from a number of different circumstances. But if you do decide to adopt, you do need to understand something. It's not by any means the easiest option. Adoption is stressful for the biological parties involved and it might be a forced adoption or they may have to give up the child because of difficult circumstances.
Either way, it's one of those situations when EVERYONE'S feelings have to be taken into account. It might be that the child is being removed due to fears for the child's safety (which can happen) but it could also be due to uncontrollable circumstances such as financial troubles, age, religion, culture etc. So it's never an easy decision to come to nor is it an easy process to go through. On the other side, one party might decide they don't to go through with an adoption which can also cause stress in itself but I have no idea how rare that would be,
Nor will it be easy on the child. Unless you tell them from the moment they have some concept of the world around them that they are adopted, they might reverse adversely to the news. I have known adopted people who have taken the fact they have well but it might not always be that way. They may become resentful to the fact that their family structure is, to them, a lie or an illusion. Sometimes they might feel that, because they're not biologically related to you that you somehow mean less to them.
Obviously, this is something to tackle should that occur but that's all part and parcel of the experience. You're going to have a bad time with a teenager regardless. (Sorry to other teens reading this, but most teens can be bastards from time to time...I was...so were many others I knew,,,)
So what do you get out of adoption? Well:
- You've raised another human that isn't yours. Throughout history, Humans have been one of the great adopters of the world so it's perfectly reasonable to adopt something or someone that isn't yours. Ever wondered why humans adopt other animals into their lives?
- Knowing that you've given someone else's child a good home when they might not have otherwise. There's every chance that one could adopt a baby or child from a terrible and abusive home. If they grow up to be wonderful, awesome and contributing members of society, job done! You've given that child a safer home than they might have to begin with.
- Knowing you've given someone else's child a good home when their biological parents could not otherwise. Leading on from the last bullet point, the child might've been put up for adoption because of financial/cultural/age/religious reasons and they may well have struggled throughout their lives. While it's sad that the biological parent(s) could not provide that life for the child, at least someone could. (Obviously, there's nothing to suggest you couldn't keep the biological parent(s) involved somehow in that situation. Many do).
- Knowing that you've done one of the hardest things imaginable. Adoption is not easy at all. It's a very laborious process and a big commitment to make. If you can do it and do it well then you deserve a medal in my honest opinion. The fact you feel you can is something in itself but to do it is a whole different thing altogether. So, if you've ever adopted successfully and done it successfully, you have my utmost respect.
What would I do ideally? If it were up to me, I'd adopt and have one of my own. Because then you've fulfilled your human urge to have your own off-spring while at the same time possibly helping someone who might've had a bad quality of life otherwise. Obviously, this blog post of horribly over-simplified but, in an ideal world, I'd want to adopt and have one of my own and hope to bloody hell they get along.
Then again, if you raise them right then they likely will...
Anyway. That's me done. If anyone would like to correct me on anything I've said or share your own experiences or opinions on adoption as a process then please do! You know I love to hear what you guys have to say.
It only leaves me to wish the very best of luck to my cousin and his wife, who's expecting their own child as well as my lecturer who is adopting.
Although, I do pose the question:
If you could adopt, would you?
See ya!
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