Work with me here...
Today, while checking Facebook, I saw something odd. Pope Francis was taking a baptism in the Vatican and said, on the point of breast-feeding, "you are welcome to feed here". Interesting point to make at a baptism.
Then I saw an article that said that 1 in 3 male college students in America would commit rape "only if they could get away with it". Shocking stuff. I know it was a very small group that was asked but still, shocking stuff.
So what connects these two, exactly?
My head. Allow me to explain.
I was reading the rape article and I found myself thinking, "if I had a son who was proved to have raped someone, I don't know what I'd do. I don't know how I'd react!" (One would imagine that's how Ched Evan's family must be feeling in a similar but different capacity round about now). However, something dawned on me.
Many people deny that there is a rape culture among young men, especially in the Western world, but many would argue that this new study shows there is one. It's a shocking statistic, especially in the 21st Century.
Anyway, this post isn't about rape, and it's not about being baptised or not either. Not really. IT's a post about choice. And the choices I may one day have to make as a potential father.
Because here's the thing.
I'm a Humanist. I make no secret of this. I don't abhor religion, in fact I accept it, but there are many aspects of it I do not agree with. I find beauty, not in a deity, but in the world around us and in the human experience. For example, a pleasurable experience one might take in praying to God, I'd find the same pleasurable experience from a waterfall. Myself and other humanists would rather look to science for answers rather than a deity and see it as more logical than an unseen, omniscient being.
But I don't necessarily want my future child(ren) to be a Humanist too. Obviously, sub-consciously, I will subject them to Humanist thought, theory and literature should the need call for it. But I have a belief and, a hope I suppose, much bigger than that. The reason for this is because, when we're children, many of our parents beliefs are put onto us without asking for it. Not just religious. I'm talking morally and politically as well as religious.
I've never been christened. Nor do I particularly want to. I was something called 'Named'. (I know that sounds obvious but work with it). My mum's something called a Spiritualist. And, for all intents and purposes, so am I. Except I don't believe a lot of what she believes. Honestly, I'm not entirely sure what being a spiritualist entails but it was fun to tell people in school she could talk to dead people when the question arose. (Considering my mum worked in the school I attended, that was probably playing devil's advocate). Anyway, I had some kind of religious start in life; albeit not one that would be perceived as orthodox.
Anyway, I don't necessarily want my future child(ren) to have that start. I don't want them to have all these beliefs put onto them and assume that's the path they need to take. Because, that's just not the case. If they want to be a Humanist, great! If they want to be Christian, great! I'll organise your baptism whenever that may occur. If you want to be Muslim, great! Maybe I'll partake in Ramadan with you so you're not alone. If you want to be Jewish, I assume that's ok...I don't actually know how entering Judaism later on in life works but I'm sure it's do-able. (I won't stick around for your circumcision though. No man wants to think about that...sorry, kid).
The truth is, if my future child wants to be religious then that's fine. If they don't then that's fine. But here are the beliefs I will try to impress on them in religion's place:
One: Despite the fact there's war, famine, destruction and terror, the world is a beautiful place. It's looked after our kind for tens, if not hundreds, of thousands of years. It deserves protecting. And if we can't protect it, savour it before it's too late.
Two: Just because someone is a certain religion, it doesn't mean that they're prone to do certain things. Not every Muslim is going to behead someone, or commit a terror attack. Not every Christian is going to burn a cross or go against things like Gay Marriage. Not every Jew is going to agree with Israel's treatment of the Palestinian people. Humanity trumps religion more often than not. Just because someone's different to you, it doesn't mean they're more or less than you. Some may perceive to be, but it's not true.
Three: Women are not objects to be toyed with. They are people too and they're not there to cook us meals or for our own gratification. Women have feelings just as much as men do and something like rape or domestic abuse can scar a woman for life. Mentally, physically and emotionally. Never see them as anything less than your equal. Treat them well.
Four: Happiness is not a crime. If happiness for you means being religious, fine. If it means loving someone of the same sex, fine. If it means you feeling the need to change your gender, fine. If it means being in a stable relationship with children with a job, house, dog and car, so be it. If it means not having that, fine. Only you can know what makes you happy. So go pursue it. As long as it doesn't involve you causing people pain. Be free, be yourself.
And finally, something inspired by my own mother and upbringing.
Five: You're not always going to get what you want. Life's not always going to work out in the way you want or hope but you'll always get what you need. So if you can't go on holiday to where you want to go or get the new gadget you want, I'm sorry but there's a reason why. I didn't always get what I want but I'm still happy. Happiness is not always material. Because, sometimes, love is enough. I got plenty of that and I think I turned out fine.
So, why don't I want my future child baptised? The answer's simple. I want them to have as much of an unbiased start to life as possible. And one day, I want them to look at everything I've subjected them to and what else there is out there and I want them to make their own choice based on their own personality.
You can get baptised anytime, if they want it that badly it'll be worth the wait. But I want to teach them that it's up to them. Only they know what makes them happy. And I want them to be able to make that informed choice and make that decision for themselves.
I'm not going to enforce that on them just because I'm the dad and what I say goes. I'm not enforcing it because I see it as ridiculous.
I had a slightly religious upbringing, I didn't agree with it and stopped. I have a friend who didn't, became religious later on. And finally, I have numerous friends who've had religious upbringings and have carried on off their own accord.
I want them to make that choice when the time is right for them. I don't want to have to make that for them if it's not what they want later. As long as they understand my 5 key lessons to life then they can be what they want.
That's all I do want for them. To be good and happy humans...
Oh, and on the point of breast-feeding, if my hypothetical daughter's breast-feeding and gets challenged on it...I hope my teaching of sarcasm will pay off... ;)
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