You're going to be so disappointed after reading that title...
Social constructs suck. I'm sorry to say it but they suck big time. Of course, without them, society would be more of a mess than it currently is. We would be in a constant state of anarchy without rules and constructs stopping us from saying and doing whatever the heck we want. But that doesn't mean most of these things are either confusing, stupid or both. It doesn't even have to be spoken. It can be physical too.
My issue is with social cues. I'm not very good at reading non-verbal social cues which, sometimes, gets me into trouble. And there are many things about society and humans that confused the living shit out of me.
For example, I recently discovered that women can actually turn pink in the face when confronted with the thought of someone they find desirable. This confused me when I found out because people can actually change colour? I thought people could only change colour in the face when they'd been in the sun too long or if they were asphyxiating. I haven't done any research into it but, apparently, it happens and it's probably to do with an elevated heart rate or something.
But this blog post isn't about why women go pink at the idea of being romantically involved with someone they find desirable. I've decided not to write about that kind of thing in detail anymore because it's too confusing for me to even care about. This blog post is about other things. Mainly, political correctness and social cues. I'm not good with either.
My sense of humour is somewhat twisted compared to most people I know. I'll laugh at anything if it's funny and I'll voice my opinion if I find something offensive. I also feel quite proud that I can work out when it's appropriate to make bad jokes and things like that. I'll often crack slightly darker jokes when I'm around my friends or my mother, but I'd never do it when I'm working with children. I often do work with children and I would never dream of making a sick joke in that environment. However, this doesn't mean I don't get offended or that I can't be offensive.
Just know that if I ever do accidentally offend you, I will apologise profusely and admit my mistake.
If I offend you because you offended me first, well, you can go [CENSORED FOR SENSITIVE REASONS].
But political correctness is something I'm in a constant struggle with. Generally speaking, I'm an easy going guy but there are limits to this. Examples:
I'm a man who has a VERY receding hairline. My friends make quips and jokes about it all the time and that's fine. I don't mind them saying it because I know they're not saying it maliciously. However, one a uni social one night, one guy I had only met once before decided to make my hair the butt of a few harsh jokes and, frankly, I nearly hit him. Which is rare for me. Especially when he referred to something he saw on a holiday as "not as ugly as his hairline..." pointing at me as he said it.
See I don't find that funny. However, sometimes, people say things that are funny to me, especially when it's a joke at my expense.
I identify as panromantic gray-asexual. This was brought up recently over a skype call with a friend who had guests round. One of my oldest friends was there and cannot wrap his head around the term 'pansexuality' and assumes I'm in love with kitchen utensils. He asked one of the other guests who was there, which led to this conversation:
"Chris, do you know what pansexual means?"
"Nope."
"What do you think it is?"
"To be honest, I got told that it was where someone had a sexual attraction to stir-fry".
See. I find that funny. I know plenty that wouldn't but I found it funny because he genuinely didn't understand so he didn't say it maliciously.
But political correctness drives me bonkers. Especially as I grow older because now I'm beginning to see that it has gone too far in some places. A couple of days ago, Kim Kardashian-West posted a nude photo to Instagram and, while the internet didn't break, people's minds did. It's caused a lot of debate and, actually, a lot of backlash.
My own personal view on the issue is this. I don't think Kardashian should've put a nude photo on social media. That said, I am a total prude. However, it's entirely her choice if she chooses to and shouldn't be shamed for it. Which she has been from numerous sources. Namely, Bette Midler. Who I personally went a little far with her criticism but, hey. One other name that appeared was young actress Chloe Grace Moretz of Kick-Ass fame who said:
"I truly hope you realize how important setting goals are for young women, teaching them we have so much more to offer than just our bodies".
Now, many people have accused Moretz of "slut-shaming". I personally don't think she has at all. Because, here's another social cue I don't get. "Slut-shaming". It's a stupid word don't you think? Because, to me, its existence and usage, especially in this situation, seems to be a complete double-negative. Allow me to explain why:
Moretz's point suggests that she's concerned that Kardashian-West's actions might enforce a negative body image to impressionable young women. Given we, in the West, live in what is, arguably, a hyper-sexualized society, I completely agree with her. This is where the criticism of Moretz's point gets lost on me. Many suggest that she "slut-shamed" Kardashian-West with this tweet which, to me, is utter bollocks because, yes she's calling Kardashian-West to task over taking a nude selfie, but she doesn't say that she was wrong to do so. She merely seems to articulate that Kardashian-West is a person in a position of societal influence and that she should also do more to help enforce positive body imagery.
And this is my point with the term "slut-shaming". In the limited research I've done around this topic, it appears that people are, as always, divided into two groups. One group is trying to demean Kardashian-West for her actions, even suggesting that she is the possession of her husband, Kanye West.
WHICH IS WRONG BY THE WAY BECAUSE WOMEN ARE NOT OBJECTS. I can't believe I feel the need to write that in 2016.
While the other side are suggesting that Kardashian-West is not acting "sluttish" but are calling out people like Moretz for "slut-shaming". Which seems like a total hypocrisy.
Because, to me, to accuse someone of 'slut-shaming' is to acknowledge that you yourself believe the action to be 'slutty' in the first instance, even if you've taken to social media to defend it. For me, using the term 'slut-shaming' is basically indirectly calling the person in question a slut anyway. Which Kardashian-West is, obviously, not.
The term 'slut' in itself is stupid in itself. Because there's a double standard here as well. Generally speaking anyway.
As far as I know, a 'slut' is someone who has sex more than is perceived acceptable or has sex with a lot of different people outside of a relationship capacity. Meanwhile, when a guy does the same, it seems to be perfectly acceptable. SEEMS I hasten to add.
I don't even think there is male equivalent word for a 'slut'. I suppose the word 'fuckboy' is the closest I've heard of? I personally use the word 'prick' to describe people like that. And what makes a 'slut' different to a 'prick'? The answer is their biological sex. A 'prick' can sleep with a number of women and will be heralded by his mates and others as a 'legend' for his actions while a woman will get degraded for doing the same thing.
What social construct allowed this to happen? Many hardcore feminists will shout 'the Patriarchy' and, on this occasion, I'm going to agree, Because society has been dominated by men for so long, we got to set the terms. Under the guise of original sin, men have set the agenda for hundreds of years and we're carrying it on. Although women have so many more freedoms in society than they did 100 years ago, there's still a long way to go.
One more story to illustrate this particular point.
I was in my English class in Year 13 and we were talking about stereotypes. The teacher split the bored into two columns, 'male' and 'female' and asked us to write general stereotypes of each gender, complete freedom to write what we wished. For the first few minutes, I genuinely felt sick. This is a taste of what the 'female' column looked like with the guys writing it, laughing as they did. (Which led to believe they believed most of what they'd written)
"Whore", "Slut", "Cum dumpster", "Slag", "Prostitute", "Wrong", "Whiny", "Belongs in the kitchen", "Sandwich maker".
Those were just a few. The whole column (which stretched half the board) was nearly full of all these kinds of things.
By that stage, only one of the girls had gone up to write one word about boys on the board. The rest seemed to traumatised to do anything and felt nervous about taking them on. With this in mind, I decided I couldn't stand this anymore so I took the pen and wrote a number of words down. Here's an idea of what I wrote on the 'female' side.
"Kind", "Caring", "Beautiful", "Motherly", "Sassy", "Independent", "Wonderful", "Always Helpful", "Strong", "Deserve Better".
I endeared myself to a few of the girls that day, and my female teacher, for writing that. But I got cheers after writing stuff this stuff down on the male side.
"Dicks", "Idiots", "Assholes", "Fucktards", "Users", "Bastards", "Irrational", "Deserve To Be Brought Down A Peg", "Manipulative", "Arrogant", "Cunts".
I'm not going to lie, I was scared that lesson for two reasons. Firstly, I thought that those boys' descriptions of women were monstrous and you could visibly see the women in the class being very uncomfortable as they wrote them and laughed about it. Secondly, the fact that these descriptors existed unnerved me. In that microcosm of the classroom on that day, I did my best to redress the balance between the genders. However, these descriptors are still used very freely in society.
And that's stupid.
A woman's choice is her choice alone.
If she wants to put a naked selfie on social media, it's her choice.
If she wants to have an abortion for a very legitimate reason, it's her choice.
If she wants to go outside in a mid-riff and short shorts, it's her choice.
You may not agree with it but it's really not your place to judge her.
And the same goes for males. Don't think I'm male bashing here but there needs to be an equality of criticism too. And gender double standards need to end.
Because, for someone like me, it's hard to keep up with and not say something offensive accidentally.
Political correctness is ok to a point.
I know I went way off topic on that but oh well.
And I'm sorry there wasn't more to do with sexualised stir-fry in this but, I did promise you disappointment.
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