My Top 10 Self-Written Songs

This is less of an ego trip than it sounds.

So, as some of you may know, I'm a musician. I have gigged, I have busked, I have recorded and I have released my music. Well, some of them. But, as a musician, certain songs you write resonate with you more than others. You get favourites and you get songs you detest. 

So, today's post will be exploring the top 10 songs of my own that I like. From my stints in bands such as Against The Tide right through to now. And even before ATT! It's a strange list to compile but it has been fun to revisit songs written from nearly 8 years ago!

So here goes.

10: 'Burned By The Ashes'

Although I didn't write this song alone, it's still one of the most fun songs in the ATT back catalogue. I remember writing the skeleton of the song with our guitarist Tom in late 2010 and having immense fun writing it. Although the final recorded version was somewhat different to our original ideas, the song is still indicative of the sound we hoped to achieve when we started the band in 2010.

The song, detailing the apocalypse, was a theme I was very interested at the time of writing and, ideally, would've liked most of our songs to follow that theme. However, it was not to be. But it remains a particularly fond part of my memory because, when we played it, we often found ourselves smiling the most. It was a fun song to play and I just remember it really coming together well when we practised it and jammed it for the first time together.

9: 'Within Me'

Although this was originally my song to contribute to ATT, this is another one I can't claim sole credit for. I wrote this song after an ex-girlfriend broke things off with me and went off with another man a short time later. In the anger, this song came out of it. One of the more heavier songs in the ATT repertoire, it has a particularly good memory for me as it was this song, and the jump motion I always initiated during the live version, that set off a fire alarm system in a building. Well, that's what you get for 250 people jumping in one room I suppose! It's still a fond memory and, even when I listen to it, I still feel vaguely proud of it.

8: 'Morning'

As Against The Tide came to an end, I decided I wanted to start my own solo project and try and continue making music that way. This song was the entry door into that. Recorded in 2012, I wrote it at a time where 5 of my friends lost their grandparents in the space of 4 months. I wrote the song as a way of comforting them. Whether it did or not is a different issue.

While I think the vocals could've been done a lot better, it's still a special song in the fact that it was really the first song since ATT I hadn't written to be used in the band. I wrote it with the intention of it being used for myself and me alone. Which, given I'd been in the mindset of ATT for a couple of years, was a big departure. Something which, frankly, has stuck. ATT has moved on but I'm still writing and Morning was the song that kickstarted that. 

Fun fact: Morning's original title was 'Lost In The Memories Of Ourselves'. Morning sounded better.

7: 'The Last Charade'

So, 2011. The Arab Spring is over, Libya has erupted in civil war and, somewhere in England, a band is struggling to stay together and keep its identity. During this time, we were debating whether or not to start work on our first full album and, if so, what form would it take. So I tried to offer the idea of a concept album which could be based on the events of the past year in the Middle East. While the band were unsure of this, I started writing a number of songs based on this idea. The main one being, The Last Charade. I spent three days writing, recording and demoing the song's instrumental and spent 3 extra days on the lyrics. Using my newfound love of the band Dream Theater as my inspiration, the song was designed to be our Bohemian Rhapsody. A political musical odyssey. 

Sadly, not only did we not write a full album, the version of the song we ended up playing twice was radically different to my original demo. Which, frankly, made tensions in the band worse as I'd crafted each note and section for a reason. Despite this, I still love the song and wish it could be released as I'd intended it. Especially the last minute or so. I love that last minute or so. 

Fun fact: This song's working title was 'How To Design A Generation'.

6: 'Keep Calm...'

Another song I can't take sole credit for. In 2015, my cousin Adam and I spent a weekend writing, recording and producing two songs delving into each other's musical styles. He writes electronic music and I tend to write rock so we fused the two and created two songs. However, 'Keep Calm...' is the one that sticks out most. Based in a nuclear attack event, the song chronicles the calm before the storm and then the chaos that ensues after the emergency broadcast goes out to the country. Sampling a mock broadcast from YouTube (which are awesome by the way), we managed to create a story using heavy metal guitars and dubstep and I love the fact we did. 

Fun fact: I had nightmares for a week after writing this.

5: 'The Mind Is A Powerful Place...'

This song is special to me for a reason. This was a one off. I'll never perform this live and I managed to record both the guitars and vocals in one take. But the reason it's special is because this song for me was a catharsis. I had mental health problems for a few years and it was kind of hard to put into words what I was feeling or what was going on. Eventually, one day, I managed to write this and it just seemed to flow. Almost like it was meant to be written. After writing it, I suddenly felt a lot better because it felt like I could accurately describe what my head was saying and how I was feeling. It deals with hypochondria, depression, suicidal thoughts and much more so it was the perfect catharsis for me at the time. And the line: 'While I'm in control, there's no hope' is the line that pretty much defined how I felt on a near daily basis. Written from the perspective of my anxiety, it's a special song for me because now it has a voice and it now, in my head, legitimized. 

The reason I know it's a one off is because I've tried to sing and play it since and it just doesn't work. So I'm glad that this was a one-off. Otherwise it would lose its uniqueness.

4: 'Molly's Lullaby'

This tends to be most people's favourite of mine. A song about a dad serenading his daughter to sleep. Simple enough premise. However, the song comes from a much darker place. I wrote the song in June 2013 when, I can honestly say, I was at my worst mentally. I got asked to play a gig that I really didn't want to play but I did anyway as a favour for a friend. Wanting to play something new, I wrote Molly's Lullaby after having a dream where I remembered the music but not the lyrics. I wrote it, performed it and made grown men cry. Since then, when I've done live gigs, I've played it as a way of saving the show as it always seems to go down well when I play it. I recently re-recorded the song for my new EP. 

Fun fact: As a result of this song, I wanted to call my first born daughter 'Molly'. However, I've been reliably informed by my girlfriend that if we have kids together, Molly is not a name that will be considered. However, she hasn't ruled it out as a middle name...

3: 'Beautiful Psycho'

This isn't a song I've released yet but I am DESPERATE to at some stage. The only solely electronic song I've ever written. I was in a studio alone one day wanting to record a live rock song but none of the equipment worked so I ended up writing an electronic song instead and, frankly, I love it. Using elements of Pet Shop Boys' 'It's A Sin' (although I didn't know that until my cousin pointed it out to me...) it's about a person who's undergoing hardship and just wants to be loved. I can't sing it sadly but I'm hoping my cousin will so I can release it. I'm so desperate to release it. I do want people to hear it...

2: 'New'

I'm not entirely sure my girlfriend believes me when I tell her I wrote this song long before we met each other. I wrote this song back in 2015 randomly. I hadn't written a song for some time but I had the chord movements down for a while. It was only at the end of last year I put words to it and it happened to come out as a love song. It wasn't written about anyone in particular. It just came out as it did. But I like it because, even though it wasn't written about anyone, it sounds like it does. And it's always a pleasure to play because who doesn't like a love song every now and again.

My girlfriend's adopted it I think so I'm not going to complain if she applies it to our relationship...

1: 'A Losing Battle'

Now, this song is my favourite song of mine for a number of reasons. Firstly, I wrote it in under 30 minutes. Secondly, it's a song written from the perspective of addiction. Thirdly, it sounds upbeat but the lyrics are dark and for some reason this makes me happy. Fourthly, it's also my favourite guitar solo to play. I'm very happy with it. This song was originally going to be the opening track to an album all about addiction, depression and anxiety. (Provisionally titled 'Dancing With The Enemy'). Although the album never came to fruition, this song is the only recorded trace of it. (Well, that and a reprise of this song called 'A Losing Battle Won').

Maybe I'll end up making that album. Who knows. We shall see. Either way, I enjoy playing it and I still enjoy hearing it. Which, for a musician, is pretty odd tbh.

Honourable Mentions

'Eccentric Circles'

I wrote this piano song for my cousin's little girl after hearing Enter Shikari's 'Dear Future Historians'. I love that song and I thought 'what would I want to say?' So I wrote this.

'Each Night Of My Life'

I wrote this song for my two friends who got married this year. I wrote it not long after their engagement. 

'I Don't Know Yet'

Another one with my cousin. More rocky this time. Originally solely acoustic guitars to be used but the chorus didn't work acoustically. The lyrics are also supposed to be influenced by Morrissey. I love the Smiths...

And Onto July...

It's a month, but this month is slightly important.

Tomorrow is the 1st July. 7 months into 2016 and I think we can all agree that, in terms of global events, 2016 has been kind of shitty.

At present, 2016's been kind to me. (How long that'll last remains to be seen). But it means that I'm going to continue to hope that 2016 improves for everyone.

But this July is important for two reasons. One of them is important for the world and the other is a personal thing.

The world event is the 100th Anniversary of the Battle Of The Somme. The 1st of July saw the first day of one of the worst battles the world has ever seen. Millions died on all sides and it was basically a massive slaughter. But, given the 100th anniversary just happens to fall 1 week after Britain decided it wished to leave the European Union, I couldn't help but think about the two events in tandem. 100 years ago, our ancestors fought to maintain peace and stability in Europe and last week we took a decision as a country to potentially destabilise it once again.

It's interesting because it raises the question, if the European Union was around in 1914, how would people have reacted?

Admittedly, if the European Union was around in 1914 then it's possible that WWI would never have occurred. Or at least not in the form it did. But given that Europe was divided 100 years ago between two massive power factions (Great Britain/France/Russia vs Germany/Austria-Hungary/Italy), it seems strange that anyone would oppose a united Europe. Now, some might argue that we're at a similar point to 100 years ago where France and Germany dominate the politics in the European Union.

Now, this is a debate for another time. I can't be arsed to go through all the points now. I'll wait until I'm a teacher for that shit.

But my point is this.

We should remember the Somme tomorrow. It's one of the bloodiest battles in history and I haven't seen a lot to commemorate or remember it. It might get mentioned on the news but that'll probably be it. One could argue "how can you remember something as bloody as the Somme" but then someone else could argue "a one minute's silence?"

It seems somewhat disrespectful that we're effectively ignoring that battle as a country, especially as it'll be exactly 7 days since the results of the European Union Referendum showed that we'd rather leave the Union rather than remain and try to reform it from the inside. But then, with so many people saying that they're ashamed to be British given the result, is it a bad thing we're not? Is now really the time to be patriotic and remember the past as we go into a potentially bright shining new future?

And if the motives of the soldiers who spilt their blood in Belgium 100 years ago tomorrow are contrary to the motives behind the potential execution of Article 50, then maybe it's best we forget them just for tomorrow.

I've been to the Somme. Not the battle of course (I'm not that old) but I've been to a particular area of the Somme where a number of Canadian Regiments went over the top. (And because France allowed the Canadians to keep that land and call it their own, technically I've been to Canada). Nowadays, it's covered in grass with walkways that tourists can walk along and statues commemorating the soldiers who died on that piece of land. But it's also got small cemeteries dotted around it too.

Now, I consider myself lucky to have gone to the Somme when I did (it was a school trip in 2010) because a couple of strange things happened during our visit there.

Firstly, the gap between the Canadian and German trenches were STUPIDLY CLOSER THAN PEOPLE THINK. They were absurdly close! You assume it'll be quite far away but, no, they were SO close.

Secondly, it was almost like you could feel the soldiers running around you. It was a very odd sensation it felt like the soldiers were running around us getting ready to go over the top. And that's when we all kind of realised that people our age fought. When you hear it in a classroom it's just a statistic. But when you're actually where they were, you suddenly start to picture yourself in that scenario because people your age were in that situation. It makes it real. You also realise you might be standing on a spot where someone was killed. Or hid. Or waited to go over. It's such a strange emotion when you're there and come to these conclusions. You suddenly feel a connection to the past like you can't get by sitting in a classroom watching a PowerPoint presentation.

So please spare a thought tomorrow. I'm off to Winchester Hat Fair tomorrow and, while it'll seem weird knowing a huge historical event happened 100 years prior but you need to only make a small reflection. Don't let it consume the day!

Meanwhile, in my personal life, I need to find a job.

I have a house.

I'm about to graduate.

I have a number of good incentives to remain in the area where I am (including a certain someone).

All I need now is a job.

And July is the make or break time!

It's also my birthday month. And I have some pretty awesome plans for my birthday week!

But I shan't say. That'd be telling...


Until next time!

The Late June Post Just To Show I Was Still Writing This Blog

Hi.

June happened.

A lot of things happened in June.

In my life and in the world in general.

Although so much happened that I actually haven't had anything worth ranting or writing about this month.

Although I did get a 2:1 in my degree. That's literally I can think to write of.

Until next time.

See ya!