Trigger Warning: Transphobia, Murder, Misogyny. Sexual Assault.
I spent a long time on Twitter last night trying to make sense of what I was seeing. And I'll freely admit that I had a hard time doing so. The Gender debate is doing me in as for me, it's pretty clear cut. My take on it, in black and white, is pretty simple:
Everyone has the right to be who they want to be as long as no-one gets hurt.
"But safe spaces".
Everyone should have safe spaces.
"They're trying to erase women".
No, they have a form of Body Dysmorphia that needs to be taken seriously but no-one's listening.
"They'll assault women!"
It's not that simple.
Most of the arguments against Trans people annoy me because it's so reminiscent of previous struggles by other groups. And the tone is similar to. I was born long after the decriminalization of homosexuality and the Stonewall Riots. I arrived not long after the AIDS Epidemic was taken more seriously by society rather than just assuming it was only a gay-related disease. I've grown up my entirely life, broadly speaking and literally speaking, around LGBT. As a young man, most of my Mum's friends were either gay or lesbian. And I was privileged enough, as a teenager, to hold someone's trust enough that I became the first person they came out to. I'll never forget that moment.
And while, for me, the Trans debate is fairly new, the same kind of vitriol and hatred that the LGB community experienced in the 70s/80s is happening again with the Trans community. I've even seen similar wording applied to the debate which makes me extremely uncomfortable.
Before I go any further, allow me to explain how I came to terms with my sexuality and gender identity. To anyone who knows me personally, these anecdotes should come as no surprise to you.
I was 12 when I realised I was not straight. And I worked it out in about 10 minutes. I had a massive crush on a girl called Zoe in our class. She was, and continues to be, stunning and I had my crush. However, I also realised one day that I was also attracted to a young man in my year called Paddy. Not that I wanted to do anything about it, I just thought he was very good looking too. When I realised this, I pondered it for a moment and arrived at the conclusion I must like both if I think both Zoe and Paddy were attractive. I accepted it and went about my day as I realised this was me now and couldn't change it. Nor did I want to. I didn't particularly care about it.
I was 27 when I first described myself as Androgynous. I've never felt "male", though I'm comfortable in a male body. The idea of Gender always felt kind of weird to me, even before I totally understood what it entailed. I never got the whole "boys wear blue, girls wear pink" thing. Growing up in the late 90s/early 00s, this was still a thing and Mum still got me "boys toys". I always preferred playing with my friend Katie's Barbie and Cindy dolls than I did the Action Man that Mum got me one time. Action Man was this masculine, khaki-laden, muscular creature that I held no affinity with. Not that I shared anything in common with Barbie, but I saw women as caring and kind. So I gravitated more to them. And I adored Baby Annabelle dolls. The chance for me to be a Mum or a Dad was exciting. I asked Mum for one once when I was 5 but it was a vehement no. I get why now. "Those toys are for girls, Josh", she said. Perhaps she was right at the time. I wouldn't deny my kids one if they wanted one.
Though, to be fair, I don't even identify as human most of the time so what do I know. All I know is that as young as 11 I remember saying to Mum's friend Kathy "I don't feel like a boyish boy or a manly man". I still don't. I never have. I'm just happy being a neuro-spicy Time Lord, bypassing gender entirely. Maybe I am non-binary? Gender is a really weird doctrine to me anyway. And I hate doctrine.
Then I saw what Rowling was saying. Initially, after reading her first essay on the subject, I felt some minute modicum of sympathy. I know that a lot of Trans people online were criticizing her but, after reading her essay, I could kind of see where she was coming from. I didn't like it, but I could see her entry point into the conversation. But this changed after a conversation at work where someone pointed out a few things to me. Not to mention by sibling-in-law talking to me about it and a mutual friend. But, to be honest, I should've just read Twitter.
And that's where we were. This clash festering away on Twitter servers and, at times, out on the street. Or in the Green Party of all places. Hateful rhetoric from people who had no time or inclination to accept. At worst, it's transphobic. At best, it's a lack of education around multiple physical and psychological processes.
Some debates were reasoned, some were not. Some awful people who raped and attacked others identified as Trans, helping to create a narrative of Predation. Of course, this isn't true for the majority of Trans people. In the same way that not all women or Feminists are attacking Trans people and wishing them harm or death. People like Posey Parker and Graham Linehan continued to make ill-thought-out statements and use disrespectful syntax, allowing others on social media to spread vitriol and hate under the guise of free speech being attacked. The Media not helping in any way and, in many ways, contributing. Creating an "us and them" divide.
Women were under threat and from men pretending to be women, they said. It's an easy headline and an easy way to create a culture of fear, anger and extremism.
And then Brianna Ghey happened.
And this is where the main crux of my ranting and musings takes shape.
Allow me first off to send love, thoughts and prayers to Brianna's family and friends at this difficult time. Losing a child is something I can't, and don't wish to, imagine. And they are in my thoughts and prayers.
But, sadly, it was never going to be a clear cut case.
Brianna Ghey was a 16 year old trans girl who was murdered in Warrington on Saturday 11th February. At the time of writing, the police do not suspect her murder to be a hate crime, but have described the murder as "targeted". Warrington Police have also urged people from speculating and theorizing about what lead to Brianna's death.
It's also British Law that Brianna cannot be identified as 'Brianna', or indeed female, on her death certificate. Her dead-name must be used on both the death certificate and the headstone.
Now, while the Police's warning against speculation is a reasonable request, that was always going to be difficult for the Trans community who, for all intents and purposes, are now in a state of panic.
The Trans Community, understandably, believe Brianna was killed for being Trans. A reasonable assumption given the context but, at the time of writing, this has not been proved with some even claiming it's been ruled out entirely. While the "other side" are accusing the Trans Community of "politicizing" Brianna's death to further the "Trans Agenda". Last night, Twitter and TikTok saw anti-Trans activists celebrating Brianna's death. Not only that, when certain Tweets similar to this were reported to Twitter, they were found not to have broken Twitter's content rules. Which would be fine if it weren't for the fact that some Trans people were told THEY had broken the rules by arguing for Trans rights. (To be clear, one person was reported after tweeting they wished harm to a trans person, all fine. Said trans person wished for them to have a bike tyre puncture and this was found to be wrong).
And now, for whatever reason, a Trans girl has been killed. With the potential of being murdered for her identity hanging over the case. So, of course Trans people are going to be nervous. Because they feel they might be next.
One of the main arguments I've seen from the other side of it is "there's a major problem with knife crime and teen-on-teen violence in the UK anyway, gender doesn't factor into it". They've then shared other cases of dead teenagers in the UK in recent times. I have an issue with this on its own which is we shouldn't be comparing cases of murder when there's no tangible commonality. Unless it's a serial killer case which this is not. That's just common courtesy. Secondly, it seems a bit rich that some people will accuse the Trans community of "politicizing" a Trans-girl's death while they then end up dragging other deaths into the mix to make a political point. (IT Crowd and Father Ted creator Graham Linehan even went as far as to say that "there is no such thing as a Trans child" following the news of Brianna's gender status breaking).
Yes, there is a problem with knife crime in this country and yes teen-on-teen violence is on the rise but stuff like that doesn't really get talked about in depth until something like this happens. When someone who belongs to a group in contention dies and that group understandably becomes on edge as a result.
Can we also accept that celebrating a teenager's death, regardless of the circumstances, is fucking wrong and despicable?
Are Trans people innocent of provocation? No, some are not. I've seen some horrific things said by Trans people and Trans activists but, again, they are in the minority. But, as far as many are concerned, they are fighting for their identity, for better conditions and for acceptance. And now, potentially, for their lives.
I'm not siting here and trashing women either. Most women I know either don't understand or don't really think about Transgender people and just wish them well. Which I believe is the majority view. In the same way that the majority of Trans people just want to live their lives, which shouldn't be too much of an ask.
So why am I here lamenting all of this? Why has this affected me the way it has? In a way I didn't anticipate.
Here's why:
1. The whole situation breaks my heart. Any child death does. And it seems to be happening a lot more at the moment and it's worrying. American children go to school hoping they don't get shot and it looks like British teenagers are having to go outside and worry about coming home. This shouldn't be the case.
2. If it does transpire that Brianna was killed because she was Trans, I know that the "Gender Critical" people won't accept it. They'll argue the toss or, worse, they'll justify it. I've seen some foundations of that with my own eyes already. (I refer you to Graham Linehan's previous comments).
3. I have family who are on the Trans spectrum. People I care about are at risk for their identity. As an Autistic person who has encountered people who want me dead for being Autistic, I sympathize. I do. It's fucking sick but it's a reality. I don't want them to go through that, no way.
4. I'm a parent. My kids may come out as Trans one day. Do I have to worry at that point whether they could be killed for their identity or not? Because even if the motivations for murder this case were not trans-related, it could be only a matter of time before that starts. I want my kids, in a scenario where they do come out as Trans, to live in a society that's accepting of it. A society that's safe for them to exist. Not to worry about about total strangers wishing my children dead because they dare not conform to social "norms".
5. Given what I've said about my own perceptions on Gender, I could've come out as trans. My friends could've. I or they could have been in a position where we were in fear of our lives. As it stands, I'm yet to hear of a case where someone was killed for being openly Autistic but, had I come out as Trans, I would now be in fear for my life. And no-one should be. Not Trans people. Not women. Not men. Not children.
What we're seeing, at the moment, are a few tragic examples of one simple truth. Words have power.
Far-right activists besieged a hotel housing asylum seekers in Merseyside at the weekend. And the Home Secretary, who's referred to asylum seekers as an "invasion", blamed asylum seekers for the clash.
There is a libel law in the UK which means I cannot say certain things about certain people outright as it could be conceived as slander. So I'll make my point this way:
There are certain people in positions of influence and notoriety who stir up hate. And, while I believe the main person associated does not wish people dead, they inspire and embolden people who do wish and seek to cause harm.
Words inspire. Words hurt. Words cause damage.
"Sticks and stones" is a load of bollocks. Because, as we've discovered this weekend, words can, in some cases, cause death.
All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights. They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood.
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Everyone is entitled to all the rights and freedoms set forth in this Declaration, without distinction of any kind, such as race, colour, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion, national or social origin, property, birth or other status. Furthermore, no distinction shall be made on the basis of the political, jurisdictional or international status of the country or territory to which a person belongs, whether it be independent, trust, non-self-governing or under any other limitation of sovereignty.
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Everyone has the right to life, liberty and security of person.
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No one shall be subjected to torture or to cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment.
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All are equal before the law and are entitled without any discrimination to equal protection of the law. All are entitled to equal protection against any discrimination in violation of this Declaration and against any incitement to such discrimination.
- Articles 1, 2, 3, 5 & 7 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights
Regardless of gender identity, everyone should be safe. It should be that simple. It NEEDS to be that simple.
Below is a link to a fundraiser for the family of Brianna Ghey to help with funeral costs. If you can donate, please do. Please also consider donating to charities that work with Trans Youth and Youth Mental Health services. And, as always, please challenge injustice and hatred wherever you find it.
