Joshua's Time Travel To-Do-List

Come with us now and a journey through space and time...to the world of the Mighty Boosh...

So, for most of the day, my mum and I have been watching the hit BBC series 'Call The Midwife'. Now, I don't watch this show enough but it is a good show and I do enjoy watching it. I don't particularly care for the drama or any of that but what I love about it is the fact that it's set during the 1950s and 1960s.

The truth is, I love history. I love learning about history and I am a bit of a geek in certain topics. I love learning about the World Wars and much of the Cold War and I'm proud to say that I'm pretty good at history in quizzes. I find it amazingly interesting and I always love learning new things about it.

But, every so often. I get asked a certain question:

"If you had a time machine, where would you go?"

Now, I'm pretty sure most people have been asked this at one point or another but I've definitely given this some thought. Now, my answer is usually:

Knebworth Park, 1986, Queen's last ever live concert with Freddie Mercury.

But, really, there are other places too. So, I've compiled a list of 7 historical events or periods (minus Knebworth Park in 1986) that I would visit if I had the opportunity to explore the whole of time for as long as I wanted. Now, these are purely my own views, so please don't judge me for them. (And, for clarity, number 1 is the top of my list! However, if this ever comes to fruition, I'd start at 7 first and work my way to the top. So call is a Time Machine To-Do-List)

7: The London Blitz

Now, I get that this is a weird choice to start with but hear me out. For me, nothing particularly screams 'stiff-upper-lip' more than the London Blitz. While I understand the period and how terrifying it was having bombs dropped on you, it would still be something to experience. If you could obtain a plan of where would be safe on a particular night before you went then you could navigate the streets of London moderately safely without fear of getting killed by a bomb. But, to be fair, for this particular trip I would spend the day in 40s London, soak up the atmosphere and then spend the night watching the Blitz in the Blackout. Maybe I could befriend a family to let me in their bomb shelter. (I'd pay them for their trouble of course).


6: 1950s London

This does hark back to Call The Midwife. Mum and I were both saying earlier how it's a shame that we've kind of lost the community feel of everyone knowing each other like they do in Call The Midwife and I'd like to go back and observe this behaviour. Also, there's a part of me that's attracted to social change in the late 1940s/early 1950s. So I'd get to experience the fruition of the early National Health Service, the crowning of Queen Elizabeth II, rock and roll, early television and maybe my grandparents...


5: 1950s America

On a similar vein to 1950s London, who doesn't want to experience 50s diners, rock and roll up close as well as seeing the films of Audrey Hepburn, James Dean and Marilyn Monroe? I'd love to spend a weekend doing that. Mind you, the threat of nuclear apocalypse might marr things somewhat. Mind you, we all know the outcome of that don't we.

4: Dallas, November 22nd 1963

Spoiler alert: JFK dies. And I'd love to see for real how. Maybe I could conveniently stand on the grassy knoll to find out once and for all whether there was a second shooter. It'd be an interesting experience to watch. That said, kind of morbid. Oh well, I can pop over to the UK the next day and watch the first ever Doctor Who on BBC to get the images out of my head. It would prove once and for all, in my mind anyway, what really happened that day.

3: New York, September 11th 2001

Now, this IS morbid. But the reason I'd go to New York on this day would be to completely understand it. It's the one event that has affected my generation for the worse and has shaped our lives both politically and culturally. So, purely for the sake of understanding, I'd go to New York and watch 9/11. I don't think I'm quite conveying the logic quite right but trust me I'm not a sadist or sick in the head.

2: UK, Mid 1970s

Anyone who knows me knows that I have a bit of a love for 70s music, pop culture and fashion. So, logically, the 1970s would be the place to go. This is where I'd indulge myself a bit and actually go and subtly meet my family at the time without them knowing who I was. But maybe I could go and see Bowie live or hear Bohemian Rhapsody on radio for the first time. The truth is, I have such an interest in the 1970s, the possibilities are endless. OH! I could meet Marc Bolan and tell him I dressed up as him for my school leaver's day. Mind you...that might confuse him...or feed his ego. One of the two.

1: The Fall of the Berlin Wall

Ok, this one should be obvious. Who wouldn't want to see this! If I was feeling particularly mischievous I'd rewrite David Hasselhoff singing but, beyond that, who wouldn't go and see the Berlin Wall fall down? SO iconic! And, effectively, the end of the Cold War! The sheer comradeship of East and West reuniting, who wouldn't want to see that and experience it first hand? Such an amazing time in history and to bear witness to the end of what was effectively a very tense period in geo-political relations?

Nothing beats it.

Where would you go? Interesting question isn't it.

The Disconnect (Part One)

She stared at him blankly as she tried to process what just happened. One moment she was walking across the road, the next, she was face down on the road. As she stirred to find out what happened, she saw the young man. He looked down on her with great concern.

"Are you ok?" He asked. "Are you hurt?"

"No...I'm ok I think..." She replied slowly, still confused as to how she ended up on the ground instead of her ideal destination.

He smiled at her as he held out his hand. She took it and he helped her up.

"What happened?" She asked sharply.

"You didn't check the road. You just walked out. God knows but, thankfully, I got to you in time".

She looked around to find the road clear, with only a few concerned people looking on as the situation came to an end. She looked at the young man who saved her once again and smiled.

"Well, thank you then, I guess! I'll be more careful next time".

"I sincerely hope there won't be a next time. Didn't you ever watch the Green Cross Code man? Or the ads on telly with those hedgehogs when you were younger?"

"Green Cross Road man? Hedgehogs? What are you on about?"

He shook his head for a moment and shrugged off the question before smiling once again.

"Just, please be careful next time? I'm sure there'd be people who missed you if you died..."

She turned away and chuckled.

"Ha. If only...but thank you...what was your na-"

She turned back to the young man to find he had vanished. She looked around frantically to try and find him again but he'd completely gone. Not even a trace. None of the people around him seemed to know who he even was, let alone where he'd gone. She started to go through everything in her head once again just to check she hadn't imagined him or anything. But there he was. The young man.

As she was about to leave, an elderly woman came up to her.

"Are you ok?"

She nodded.

"I'm fine..."

****

"Juliet! What's this I hear about you nearly getting hit by a car!?"

Juliet held the phone as her concerned Dad continued to ask her questions.

"Dad, it was just a little mistake. I'm fine!"

"A LITTLE MISTAKE!? YOU NEARLY DIED! Did you have your headphones on again!?"

"Why does that matter?"

"Because you can't concentrate with them on!"

"Dad, this isn't about the headphones. I was fine. This guy saved me"

"Yeah, well, there won't always be a "guy" around to save you. You need to be more careful!"

"Dad, I'm 23 now, I can look after myself!"

"Evidently not on roads!"

After that comment, Juliet hung up. She let out an angry scream, which summoned her housemate, Charlotte.

"Your dad again?" Charlotte asked with trepidation.

"Yes! I have one little accident and suddenly I'm incapable of looking after myself!"

"Well, you were nearly hit by a car!"

She shot a look at Charlotte.

"I'm not taking his side but he has got a point! I mean, you're normally so careful, what happened today? I can't help but be concerned!"

Juliet sighed.

"If you must know, my headphones went weird all of a sudden. They just went very strange, I went to fix them and just carried on walking. Don't worry, I'm not suicidal or anything. It was literally just the headphones".

"Weird how?"

"They just suddenly started crackling. I was listening to KC & The Sunshine Band and then, suddenly, crackling. They started picking up radio signals too which I thought was weird!"

"Well, they are wireless headphones, maybe the chip's on the blink?"

Juliet sighed.

"I don't know. They're fine now so that's something I guess".

Charlotte walked up to her and hugged her.

"Well, screw the headphones. I'm glad YOU'RE ok!"

Juliet smiled.

"Thanks..."

****

"Just shut up...shut up and I won't have to hurt you..."

Juliet looked terrified as she was tied to the chair. She was gagged but still tried to scream, unsuccessfully. The man next to her hit her in the abdomen with his gun.

"I SAID SHUT THE HELL UP!"

Starting to cry, she did so. Terrified of what's going to happen next, she looked around in the vague hope someone would come to get her. But no such luck. The room was empty, damp and cold with only four men with guns for company. The man who hit her before crouched down in front of her, a huge smile beamed across his face.

"Now...Juliet...I'm going to ask you a question and I want you to answer me honestly. If you don't...well...this isn't going to end well for you. Do I make myself clear?"

Juliet tried to cower away but she couldn't. 

"I know that bastard you live with has the Infinity device...so I'm going to ask you...what did he do with it?"

Juliet remained quiet, crying still.

"Come on, Juliet...where has Romeo put the Infinity device?"

The man removes the gag so Juliet can talk. She is initially shy but she plucks up the courage to answer.

"Look, I don't know what he's done with it! I assumed it was destroyed when you destroyed the lab!"

"That's not the right answer..."

"You told me to answer honestly, so I am! I don't know where the device is!"

"Are you really willing to die for a piece of machinery?"

"No! Look, as far as I knew, you guys destroyed it in the lab. He hasn't said anything to me about it and I trust him completely. If he did still have it he'd tell me!"

The man got up and walked around a bit.

"So, you mean to say, that you have no idea where the Infinity device is? You thought it was destroyed in the lab and that he would've told you if he still had it?"

Juliet nodded furiously.

"Ok, here's the thing, Juliet, either YOU'RE lying to me, or HE'S lying to you. Because I know for a fact he still has it! So which one is it?"

"I PROMISE YOU I DON'T KNOW! I SWEAR! I SWEAR ON MY LIFE, ON HIS LIFE, I DO NOT KNOW WHERE THE INFINITY DEVICE IS!"

After a few moments pause, the man returns the gag to Juliet's mouth and steps away.

"Well, he still has 3 hours to meet the deadline. If he doesn't meet it...well...he'll be picking up your body with an added bullet to the left temple..."

Juliet woke up with a start, sweating and hyper-ventilating. She looked around and saw her bedroom as she left it.

"It was just a nightmare" she reassured herself. It was a nightmare. But it felt so real. Despite this, she settles down and falls back to sleep fairly quickly into the next dream.

"Juliet..." A whispered voice said. Out of the darkness walks the man who saved her during the day. He smiles at her and feels like he's looking directly at her. "Come back to me, Juliet..."

She awakes once more...